I reasoned that he was crazy.

When I was 15, Dad decided he wanted to move to Cairns. 

The fact that my little brother Matty lived with mum meant that when we moved, there’d be 1700 of distance between the little guy and I. 

I think I still resent dad a little for that. Not so much that I couldn’t be there for him, but that he was able to move so far away from his own son.

But thats not the point. When we got there I didn’t know anyone. My mates at home had thrown me a going away picnic in a beautiful park in the city. I didn’t want to leave them for a small touristy town up the north coast. By the time the new year started at school I was sixteen and insecurity laden. To be honest I was (and still am a bit of) a pretty messed up little girl.

So when a guy by the name of John started to pay attention to me I had no idea why. I reasoned that he was crazy. Possibly blind. Anyway he would probably come to his senses and realise what a train wreck I was, or get up close and see my ugliness and give up, so I just kinda kept my head down and ignored it. I was way to insecure to muster the confidence to even look at him let alone go on a date with him.

But he didn’t give up. Eventually he got my phone number off one of the girls I sat with at lunch and phoned me on a sunday morning to ask me to the movies. So we went on that date.  And the weekend after that we went on another date. And I was so scared by this whole foreign dating thing and of what he thought of me that I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything for the first five or so dates. I mean I’m sure I would have said ‘no thankyou I would not like a choc top’ and ‘why yes, tomb raider does look like a good movie” but aside from that I was silent.  He still didn’t give up. He walked me 6kms home from school in the afternoons, carrying my books while I stared at our shoes. After a couple of months I got to feel comfortable around him. Although for a long time I secretly believed him to be too good for me and was quietly aware that he would break up with me sooner or later. But even that feeling eventually went away.  We dated for over four years. He didn’t give up on me. I learned later that that first phone call John had made to see if I would come to the movies was very strategically timed, he phoned at 10 to see whether I would be at church or not. By divine appointment the first man to fall in love with me despite all of my baggage was a man who knew Jesus. When we did eventually break up it was because I was wanted to move back to Brisbane and study there and start again and go after God properly. We remained friends, he would fly down a couple of times a year and I would fly up a couple of times a year. He would phone me almost every night to see how my day had been. I left for Brisbane nearly three years ago now. And I’m writing because for the first time in a very long while we haven’t spoken at all this week. And it’s not because he’s on his mates property gold-panning again or I’m in the middle of exams. We’re just growing apart.

Last night I was praying and..

Last night I was in my bed, talking to the Creator of the universe (:D).

I appealed to Him regarding a muslim lady. I don’t really know much about her save for the fact she teaches Islam and has cancer which has spread to her pancreas and onto most of her body. She is also the mother of G.- my good friend Anisha’s boyfriend. I didn’t really know what to pray for her, except for her salvation and for God to take her into His care when she passes from this world. I acknowledged that I know the scripture tells us that Jesus is the Truth and the only way to the Father. But I also know that He’s a wonderful, loving God, and that in the book of Revelation we are told that not only will justice be done; but that every mouth will be stopped- we will all walk away knowing and understanding that justice has been done. 

And all I could think was that it really, really sucks that people who are good (at least in a worldly understanding of the word)* should perish out of ignorance. I don’t know much about the interface between Islam and Christianity but it’s my undestanding that they acknowledge Moses and his covenant with the Lord, and even Jesus, although only as a healer and prophet (is that a valid acknowledgement considering His true glory??)

And i fell asleep with my tiny human brain trying to rationalise God’s version of justice, so that it might include, generally, the ‘lost who are otherwise pretty good people’.

So my day today (priase Him for bothering to share Himself with me, God really is love) has been filled with little bits of understanding and revelation on the topic, and I think I get it now (at least so far as I will while I’m down here).

Part of that revelation has been to stumble onto an article that deals directly with the topic: http://www.radiantmag.com/2008/11/choose-this-day/

The website’s a pretty mad one in general so poke around if you’ve got a mo.

*as I typed this the Holy Spirit reminded me that “only God is good”

I Like Giants

She said ‘I like giants
Especially girl giants
Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
Regardless of their size’

Kimya Dawson

He is my God and I will worship Him.

I often begin to write with the word ‘I ‘.

It’s a reflection of the way I think and position from which I understand things.

Often if I just put a single line through the word and make myself reflect on God and what He sees, begining again with ‘He’ I find clarity.

a todler at work made me think of something

I got something cool on friday at work…

A little toddler crawled out from under the change room door where his mum was trying on clothes. I’m assuming, by the amount of effort the little guy was putting into getting out to the hallway, that he had only just learned how to crawl.

He had the biggest grin on his face and his eyes were like saucers- looking around at all new, unfamiliar things around him. He caught sight of a shiny silver display stand and charged at it on all four little legs, reaching up with his pudgy awkward hand when he was near it. Mum came out a second later, scooping him up and scolding him playfully for trying to run away. He was safe in her arms. I was floored with this sense that I had witnessed something divine. It felt like God was saying, “That’s how things were meant to be. I wanted to share this fabulous world that I made and all of the stuff I put in it with you and to love you. I don’t want you to run off but when you do I will pick you up and I will hold you and I will care for you”.

Woah. Our God is an awesome God.